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 The following is a dating article on Osama Bin Laden’s love life after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Osama’s love life before and after 9/11 is explained here, with emphasis on his type of women, his dating demeanor and the types of things osama and his date would do and say on an night out dating.
Osama Bin Laden is still the world’s most notorious terrorist. He is responsible for the biggest terrorist attacks in recorded US history. But is Osama a lonely man? Consider Osama Bin Laden’s love life. What would Osama do if he wanted to meet a beautiful woman and form a relationship? He’d have the whole world against him. What would Osama say when he was on the prowl? Would he use a pickup line? It would probably be like "Hi, I’m Osama, and you’re so hot I think about setting houses on fire" or "Hi, Do you like fly guys? Cos I wanna crash with you."
When women find out that he is the world biggest terrorist after meeting him and becoming aware of who he is, what would they do? Scream most probably - either because he’s a famous millionaire they adore (which is not likely) or because he might kill them.
If they were seduced by all of his fame, power and wealth, they might want to get to know the real Osama, The Osama behind all the media propaganda. Women could say to their friends, "Osama is the nicest guy, most of what the media says is bullshit... he’s such a sweetie, he gave me a gun with a rose in the shaft."
What if Al Qaeda has groupies? All these chicks desperate to meet their Idol that would do anything for him. They probably would treat him like a rock star and fulfill his every need.
What would Osama’s dream girl be like anyway? Would she resemble Whitney Houston, the woman that sources say he fantasized about for years before September 11?
Osama may just restrict himself to Islamic women. He’d have to find a mosque where the American’s weren’t looking for him to meet the women of his dreams. A lot of Islamic people frown upon his terrorist acts so this would make things more difficult to find a chick that was just right for him without getting caught.
Would Osama care if the woman was a virgin? Islam decrees that Muslim men can’t marry a girl unless she is a virgin. Osama would probably be so engrossed with his power that he thinks he can do what he likes anyway. He’d probably ask women the virginity question hoping that they’d still be available for strict Muslim men who are past 50, or take what he can get anyway - no matter what the will of Allah is. I guess beggars can’t be choosers.
Osama would have an unusual time grooming for a date. He would probably not be recognized when he does not have his facial hair and dresses like a westerner. He might get caught if people recognise him, so extra precautions must be taken so his date and him could have a memorable night without the CIA tracking them down.
Which goes to saying, would Osama consider Plastic Surgery to have similar inconspicuousness much like Michael Jackson changed from being a black man into a white man? Osama and his Arab demeanor could change into something more "African" and get facial reconstructive surgery to hide himself even further so nobody would recognise him. All this just to get a date and not be lonely. He’d have to find a plastic
surgeon he could trust - this is paramount. What could happen with the wrong operation is mangling up his face deliberately as revenge for 9/11.
If he met a woman that was none the wiser from the plastic surgery, after a few dates do you think he would be aching to tell he his secret thinking that it might impress her, or just so they could have an intimate relationship together? Being the worlds biggest terrorist and not being able to tell people is one hell of a secret.
On a date, what would the conversations with Osama over dinner be about? Maybe he could impress her with all of his father’s millions he inherited and to really get her going, he could tell her he’d kill whoever she wanted. These conversations would sway from intrigue to disgust if it just so happens that she went to a coed school. A mad rant awaits. Alternatively they could just get into talk about US politics and how much he hates the American’s lifestyle. If she disagreed he could blow her house up.
If the date was going well, later, for some fun after dinner, they could go to the local US embassy in whatever country they are in and blow it up, just like he did to the US embassies in Tanzania and Kenya. This would be a satisfying end to a perfect night.
The kiss would be a bore compared to the thrill of that.
If all went bad for Osama and he couldn’t find a chick to have sex with, would he resort to prostitution? Out of sheer desperation of not having a girlfriend, would he reveal himself to the local hooker? Do you think she would know it was Osama and would she turn him in?
How good would Osama be in the sack anyway? If you can mastermind planes crashing into an important US building, what would you be like as a mate? Osama Bin Laden could be a sexual deviant - reports claim he has held women hostage in the past and used them as his sex slave.
It’s a lonely life being a terrorist, especially if you have a romantic inclination like most men do. Maybe waiting until heaven to get his seven virgins is not such a bad dream for Osama Bin Laden!
Jonathan
Skywalker
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